Everyone involved in the wedding planning process brings with them unique expectations. While planning your wedding, you’ll have to strike the perfect balance between planning your dream day and planning your family’s dream day. This means you’ll have to choose your battles.
Negotiables and Non-Negotiables
After creating a wedding philosophy, you should create a list of non-negotiable items. These priorities will be different for every couple. Maybe it’s extremely important for one couple to hire their favorite band, while another couple will instead splurge on a talented photographer and have a cousin DJ the wedding with an iPod. There’s no right or wrong list of non-negotiables, but it will be very helpful to have your priorities in mind as friends and family members begin making suggestions to you about the priorities they have in mind.
When to Say No
There were many times I said, “I will not do anything in my wedding just because that’s what everybody else does in their wedding.” This is your wedding, so ultimately you and your fiancé need to do what you’ve envisioned for yourselves. You need to politely consider honoring your family’s wishes without letting pressure from family take control.
Always let your wedding philosophy guide your decisions: It had always been a dream of mine to have a bounce house at my wedding reception. This unconventional idea was not initially palatable to my mom, but it aligned with our philosophy and was one of my non-negotiables. Our bounce house ended up being a huge hit; it helped our friends and relatives with kids have more fun and feel more comfortable, just like we’d hoped.
When to Back Down
Honoring our family was part of our philosophy, so we tried to be careful to hear them out. Something that might seem silly to you might be a lot more important to someone else. Ask yourself if it’s really worth fighting over. It might be easier to yield to your family on some negotiables that don’t really matter in the broad scheme of things for the sake of your relationship. After all, your wedding is just one day, but your relationships last a lifetime.
My parents really wanted to send my wedding invitations in envelopes instead of as postcards because they were concerned a postcard would be mistaken for junk mail. I wanted to save a little money by sending postcards, but at the end of the day, it wouldn’t have saved that much money and it wasn’t worth having tension with my parents.
When it comes to inevitable wedding planning battles, your wedding philosophy and list of non-negotiables should always get the final say to keep decision making simple and stress-free.
Photo by Jon Stars